Christian 5 Love Languages
The five love languages were outlined in a 1992 book by Gary Chapman and were originally aimed mostly at married Christian couples. These love languages are quality time, physical touch, acts of service, giving and receiving gifts, and words of affirmation.
People with the physical touch love language thrive on hugs, backrubs and kisses. They find comfort in these types of loving touches.
Often abbreviated as QT, quality time is all about undivided attention. People who speak this love language prefer to spend their free time together, and feel a deep sense of connection when they are in each other’s company. They enjoy talking and laughing, and they tend to be able to focus well on conversation.
Individuals who speak this love language appreciate the efforts you go to in order to set aside dedicated, uninterrupted quality time. It shows them that you value their presence, and they take great comfort in knowing you aren’t distracted by other things or obligations.
QT activities can include anything from cooking together and spending time at the park to taking a long walk or just sitting side by side reading a book. This love language also includes sharing new experiences, and can even involve physical touch like cuddling. QT is one of the most important love languages in the Christian church, as it is a powerful tool to build strong relationships.
Acts of Service
While some love languages are pretty self-explanatory (physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts and quality time), acts of service can be a little trickier. People with this love language feel most loved when they see that their partner is taking care of them and making their life easier.
It’s important for couples with this love language to communicate their expectations and needs clearly. It can prevent misunderstandings and resentment over unmet expectations.
If your partner has this love language, consider running a bubble bath after a long day or sending them a gift card for their favorite spa. You could also cook them a special meal or take them out on a date.
You know the people who seem to always be “picking up a little something for everyone.” They may have this love language as their primary. These people thrive on gift-giving and are happy when they receive a simple rosebud or a candle. They especially enjoy gifts given on birthdays, holidays or even on “no occasion” days.
People with this love language crave physical touch. They love backrubs, hugs, pecks on the cheek and holding hands. This is not a sexual love language, but rather one that is fueled by affection and trust.
Chapman’s theory is based on a mixture of misogyny, notions of the nuclear family and heterosexism. He has also coined the phrase, “love languages,” but only as a marketing tool for his self-help books and to push his extreme fundamentalist Christian beliefs. He has never been a real counselor, and he ripped off real therapy to produce his books.
Words of Affirmation
For some people, words of affirmation are a primary love language. They love to be complimented and told how much they are loved, especially if it is sincere. These compliments and words of affection can be expressed verbally in person, over the phone or through written communication (like emails or text messages).
They need to know that you are thinking about them and love them, so they appreciate when you show this type of appreciation. Using a kind tone when communicating with them is also important. Hurtful or critical words will hurt them, so they need to know that you are always aiming for the highest level of care when speaking to them.
While this is not a comprehensive list of the christian 5 love languages, it is a good place to start when learning about them. The New York Times best selling book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman has helped many couples, primarily Christian marriages, understand how to speak each other’s love language.